A few weeks ago, in a particularly victim-y moment, I lamented to myself – “Why do I always feel like I’m in the middle!?” This was in response to a rapid-fire blaming session between two people I like, know and respect individually. But, when I put them together, the unfortunate pairing creates an uncontrolled nuclear reaction.
So much blame and fear were fired in two directions, that it was no doubt generally toxic to the environment. And then there’s me – breathing in the toxicity, understanding both sides, reaching out to find commonality, and seeking to take action that involves forward motion.
In short, hanging out in a place that understands two extreme views, yet does not represent one at the exclusion of the other, and can actually incorporate learning from both.
I call this place the Conscious 3rd.
Feeling in the middle has shown up in other areas too.
Take politics, for example.
Yes, I’m going there but perhaps not in the way you think.
In recent elections, Trump was supported by 47% of the electorate, and Biden 51%. Biden has been declared the “winner” by major news organizations and Trump the “loser.” Some Republicans and Trump himself maintain that he won.
A message of “everything is immediately going to change because we have our winner” is being communicated from the right and the left.
I find myself in the middle (again).
Let me break it down for you.
Everything is not going to change based on a winner and loser.
In a system that is relatively balanced in a 51%-47% sort of way, losers can retain quite a lot of influence and winners can find themselves thwarted in their quest for meaningful change.
It’s only when our understanding spans both the 51% AND the 47% that we truly find meaningful solutions.
So what are we to do?
Step into the Conscious 3rd.
First, seek to understand – haven’t seen much of this in the current election cycle. Really get deep about why the divergent sides feel the way they do.
What are their belief systems and how does that inform them about what is right or wrong? (again dichotomy here).
Still not understanding why “that side” feels “that way”? Go deeper still.
Their responses will support you to understand their diametrically opposed viewpoints. Integrating these views with what you already understand by being in the middle supports you to gain a complete, panoramic, “bird’s eye” view of the situation.
Second, find the fear in an effort to deepen understanding.
You might have already found it in step one, but if you haven’t it’s time to look now.
As human beings, we are fear-making machines. Our fears lead to stories, and opinions; and those opinions become ingrained with repetition.
Have you found the fear in the opposing viewpoints?
Now what’s your fear? You have it too, even though you’re in the middle. Time to bring these fears into the open. The fear is present, and it will likely continue to be around in some level of intensity for the rest of our lives.
Ok, now have you found the fear? Good.
Third, seek to alleviate the fear.
This is where the fun begins as a leader. Because when I find out what I can do, or who I can be to alleviate the fear I’ve just built a bridge from this belief rooted in duality to the integrated, Conscious 3rd. I’m in the middle with an encompassing approach right where I want to be.
Please note that sometimes, the answer to what would alleviate the fear is “nothing”. That unbending fear lives in our reptilian brain selves and cannot be influenced by a well-intentioned leader. When this occurs for me, I know that I’ve done everything I can as a human to meet, support and alleviate this fear. If nothing will alleviate the fear, as a leader, I get to move ahead anyway. And move ahead we will, usually over the objections of the irrational fear that remains.
To recap:
First, seek to understand.
Second, find the fear and deepen your understanding of this fear.
Third, seek to alleviate the fear.
I get it this sounds improbable – alleviating fear. Amazingly, this is possible about 80% of the time when we listen, dig deep enough and create well-reasoned solutions. The other 20% of the time we move ahead anyway.
And, the next time you’re feeling in the middle, please congratulate yourself!
Just being aware you are there means that you’re noticing the duality, the opposite sides of the issue and you’re living consciously in between.
Perhaps that Conscious 3rd approach could support us on Jan 20th. It might show up then.
It’s guaranteed to show up when you use it as part of your conscious leadership.
Please let me know how it’s working for you.
You can find me here >> http://billionizeme.com
Jeff@COOForYou.com
888-588-0357